Fear of the Unknown vs. Fearing the Inevitable

Before I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation, the fear of not knowing the cause of my daily pain, drove me to my knees. Not knowing what was going on medically caused my fear to take control of my mind. When your mind has nothing to explain its present circumstances, things like fear, anxiety, and depression take over. So the question is, what’s worse: the fear of the unknown or fearing the inevitable? Is not knowing the source of your pain worse than knowing that you have contracted some sort of harmful medical condition? I do not have cancer, but I can imagine that the first time the doctor utters those words to an unsuspecting patient, that patient immediately begins to fear the inevitable. Things like cancer are big and scary and have the power to completely change our outlook on life. Even when a friend has been diagnosed and not you, your outlook on life at some minute level is changed as well as theirs. Fearing the inevitable may be powerful, but I would argue that the fear of the unknown is more powerful. And here’s why.

Psychologists and communication experts say that the person in a relationship who maintains a higher level of secrecy and controls more information over the other person, holds more power over them. The government becomes bigger and scarier when it keeps confidential information from its citizens. A company becomes more and more powerful, the more its able to keep secrets from its competitors and customers. A person gains control over their spouse in the bedroom the longer they hide their insecurities about sex and intimacy and refuse to be vulnerable with them. When life does this to you, the effect is the same. When you do not know what is coming next or what is causing the current situation, that fear controls you. The reason it controls you is because you have no viable explanation for your pain. Not knowing causes you to make up things in your head and create scenarios that may not actually exist. I had become so fearful of my situation, that I had convinced myself I was going crazy. Either I was developing some sort of anxiety disorder or falling into deep depression, I was convinced I was losing my mind and that was causing the headaches. At one point, I began to wonder if my life was coming to an end. Just typing those words is difficult, but contemplating my own existence to that level changed me. Death no longer scared me. Whenever I first got an MRI and then the doctor told me I had Chiari, I was actually relieved. That information did not miraculously heal me, but I now had a label to put on my pain. My “demon” now had a name and I could call him out and confront him face to face.

So, the fear of the unknown is far more destructive than fearing some big scary thing that we can put a name to. Words like “cancer” and “brain surgery” and “medical bills” and even “death” may be terrifying, but your demon has now revealed himself. So go confront him, and knock him out with a 1-2 punch to the jaw. People think I’m nuts for being so enthusiastic about upcoming MRIs and potential brain surgery this Fall, but I simply tell them, “at least I know what the problem is now, and that there’s something that can be done about it.” And you know what the best part of all of this is? Now that the fear of the unknown is gone, I no longer fear the inevitable either.